“Curb Your Enthusiasm” is one of my favorite HBO comedy series. The show centers around the life of Larry David who was the creator of the show “Seinfeld.” What makes “Curb Your Enthusiasm” so funny is that its main character, Larry David, has an extremely low level of emotional intelligence. As a result, he is almost completely unaware of how his words and actions are being perceived by those around him. This lack of awareness prevents him from picking up on body language, voice inflections, and other verbal and non-verbal cues that would cause most people to adjust their words or behaviors. As a result of this behavior, the other characters on the show only interact with him when they absolutely must.
In one episode Larry attends a friend’s dinner party. At some point during the evening the host finds Larry with a drink in his hand sitting in front of a table that has been damaged because a coaster had not been used. When asked if he might be responsible for the damage Larry goes into a very loud defense of himself as he publicly makes the case that every other guest also had the opportunity to damage the table. The host is obviously embarrassed and attempts to address the situation privately. The other guests are visibly annoyed that they are being accused. Larry is totally oblivious to the reactions of the host and guests. As a result, he continues his attacks. One by one the guests excuse themselves until Larry and the host are the only ones left.
The interactions in this episode are hilarious, and I’m sure that my description doesn’t do it justice. The lesson, however, is that while a lack of emotional intelligence makes for laughs and success on television, in business it’s neither funny nor a path to success. Leaders and team members who are not able to read the body language, voice inflections and unspoken words of their peers, colleagues, customers and bosses are destined for a career that is both very short and unsuccessful.
Early in my career I had the opportunity to take over a team of learning professionals. Not long after being in the position I started to get complaints about one of the team members. In order to understand the dynamics I attended a meeting where the individual in question was providing status updates. He was obviously unprepared to provide his colleagues with the information that they needed. His teammates were visibly upset. The language that they were using as well as their voice inflections bordered on hostile.
After the meeting I called each of my direct reports to get their feedback on how the meeting went. Every member of my team expressed frustration that their colleague was unprepared all the time, and that he never seemed to have a grasp of what was going on in his area of responsibility. My last call was to my direct who had given the updates. When I asked him how he thought the meeting went his reply was “I thought it went great.”
I shared with him that I had a different perception. We went over points in the meeting where individuals rolled their eyes or shifted positions in their seats or let out loud sighs as indicators that they weren’t happy. I suggested that my employee reach out to each of his colleagues and get feedback on what he could do better as a service provider and teammate. I also offered my help in coaching him on how to better read some of the signs of unhappiness. To make a long story short the employee didn’t take advantage of the coaching nor did he seek feedback. Ultimately he and the company parted ways.
I’m sure that if the interactions described here had taken place in a comedic television series the show would have been hilarious. Unfortunately, they took place in a business setting and the results were far from funny.
