In the training industry, most of us have spent time studying the development of thought around effective leadership. I think it’s safe to say that every school of thought has its genesis in the business dynamics of its day. What about our day then? The dynamics of creating capacity without headcount in the second and third decades of the new millennium demand a new paradigm, a new frame of reference. So what is it about human interactions in leadership today that is different from what it was 10, 20 or 50 years ago? In a word, time.
Do you find yourself all too often on autopilot? Do you forget a name immediately after you first meet someone? Does it take extraordinary amounts of time to recognize physical tension in your own body? Do you move in a rush from one task to the next? Do you experience a variety of emotions without being aware of them? Do you drop or spill items on a regular basis without knowing why?
These are signs that you are having difficulty in being present – being aware of and attentive to what is taking place right now, right in front of you. It’s no longer about the state of the relationship. What matters now is the state of the moment with another, and most of us aren’t even paying attention. Want proof?
Many years back an airplane seatmate and I talked about a training exercise that I’d like to tell you about now. I’ve used it countless times, and though it has evolved over the years, it works. These days, I begin the icebreaker with a discussion of this idea of the ‘state of the moment’ and our inability to be present with others. The nature of life today and how we can’t seem to find even a moment’s peace resonates within every group. I describe for participants how our brain contributes to this time-technology paradox in that we have two distinct circuits in our heads; one that is ‘direct’ and takes in data from our senses, and a second ‘narrative’ circuit that takes us out on what I call ‘left field’ trips. One minute we are engaged in conversation with someone, and the next we’re day dreaming and unable to respond intelligently.
To illustrate, I ask for two volunteers to come up front and face each other. I ask them to describe for the person across from them their first day on the job with ‘company XYZ’. I give each in the pair a small card with “OUT” printed on it in large block letters. Then I give the following simple instructions:
- While listening to another – if your mind starts to wander, show the ‘OUT’ card
- While speaking – if you feel the other is checked out, show the ‘OUT’ card
- While speaking – if you find your own mind wandering, show the ‘OUT’ card.
How long before an ‘OUT’ card shows up? Usually less than 30 seconds. We go again, trying to concentrate and stay present…the result? Usually less than 30 seconds. We pass the ‘OUT’ cards to everyone in the room, ask them to pair up and try it themselves…the result? Usually less than 30 seconds. Accept this fact – in any given conversation, on any given day, there is less than a 50/50 chance that both of you are present!
Try this activity for yourself. Consider the ‘state of the moment’ within the leadership challenges of developing others, building teams, collaboration or strategy implementation. It affects us all. A lot.
