It seems like a cruel twist of fate that the best thing professionals, including training professionals, can do to progress their career is also often the most dreaded: networking.

Often, however, we see time and again that when our members groan at the suggestion of “networking,” they’re thinking about it wrong.

Here are the top five mistakes we see professionals make when they think about building their network, and some helpful mindset shifts that can make all the difference with building your network for career success.

Top 5 Networking Mistakes

Mistake 1: Only reaching out when you need something.

For many, networking is still seen as something you have to do when looking for a new job or other opportunities. The reality is that internal network building is an underutilized skill in the workplace. Building your internal network is about forming relationships with those around you — your peers, your direct reports if you have them, management and even professionals in your supply chain or at competitors.

For training professionals to grow their skills, a strong network is essential.

A great place to start is by simply getting curious about those around you. What do they enjoy doing? What makes them great at their job? What’s happening at work for them that you’re perhaps not seeing? This might be small talk before a meeting, getting coffee together, or even asking for their help on a project they wouldn’t usually be pulled into.

Mistake 2: Keeping connections superficial and distant.

Too often, we hear the objection from coachees that they don’t want to network because they “hate making small talk.” That’s fair. Frankly, if all you’re doing is making small talk when you meet new people, it’s a sign that you’re not building a useful network.

Networking isn’t like playing Pokemon. The goal is not to collect as many surface-level connections as possible who will hardly remember you.

Your network is a system of people who know you — truly know you — and can speak for you and support your career growth as a learning professional. Sometimes this takes the form of proofreading an email; sometimes it’s asking a colleague to help with a project, and other times it’s someone who will speak on your behalf for a promotion.

Strong networks are built when people know you and, more importantly, trust you. It’s the moments when you demonstrate vulnerability that you build genuine connections. If you can’t count on them when you need something, then they aren’t your network. Those are acquaintances.

Building and maintaining connections as an adult takes time and energy — but it pays dividends in the long run.

Mistake 3: Being everyone’s cup of tea or open to anything.

It can seem counter-intuitive that telling those you meet that you’re “open to anything” when it comes to your career is limiting, but it is. Being specific about what you offer or need helps those you meet remember you and help you. If you’re open to anything, they don’t know how they can help.

Think of it this way: Would you rather have a friend ask, “How can I help?” or say, “I’m bringing you dinner tonight. Do you want lasagna or Mexican food?” It’s so much easier to choose a dinner option from a kind friend than to have to figure out how they are best able to help you, even if they offer. This concept applies to professional networking as well.

As a learning leader, you are helping everyone when you take the time to uncover what exactly it is you offer and what you need. Invest the energy to figure it out, or consider enlisting the help of a career coach.

Mistake 4: Thinking about transactions.

Transactional thinking gets to the heart of why so many people squirm at the suggestion of networking. It goes against our common humanity to make surface-level asks from acquaintances. In reality, networking is not simply trade between two parties. A network works effectively when trust is built. And a network is maintained through frequency. It means keeping the other person top of mind. It means supporting them whenever you can (especially unprompted).

I think of it as building an emotional trust bank. You want to keep depositing trust through actions like sending them an article because of something they mentioned or introducing them to someone who can help them achieve a goal. Then, you have earned the right to withdraw from the emotional trust bank when and if you need something. So, remember to always deposit. Next time you are meeting new people, perhaps play a game to see if you can find a way to help each person.

Mistake 5: Feeling uncomfortable asking for help.

Many of our members and coachees hesitate to reach out to those around them because they “don’t want to be a burden,” or “it would be weird.”

In reality, everyone taps into their network for an ask when they need something. And we all have needs. It’s especially important to build out a strong network so you know who to go to when you need a favor, and there’s nothing wrong with it.

In fact, as reminded by Simon Sinek, with true friends (this applies to professional peers as well), it’s hurtful to not ask for help when you need it.

Whatever you’re working on right now, try reaching out to someone in your network for help. You might be surprised by how happy it makes them!

In Conclusion

Building a network doesn’t mean you need to be a natural extrovert or be at every social gathering. It’s about building and maintaining quality relationships. Yes, you can pry open doors for yourself, but it will be your network that’s inside those rooms who can keep the door open for you to simply walk in.