What do you picture when someone says, “they’re an alpha”? I’m guessing this seems familiar: You’re in a big meeting, the team is focused on a meaningful problem and you’ve got a solution. Except, you don’t want to jump in because the “big dog” in the room — or in this case, a metaphorical business-gorilla — is flailing around. They’re intimidating, flexing and probably bullying the room to embrace their point of view. It’s dangerous to speak up — if you’re not careful, your ideas will get Donkey Kong tossed back into your face.

Before I founded my own company, I had an “alpha” boss too. They drank their own Kool-Aid, literally ran around the office as some kind of bizarre flex and considered their business intuition as divine inspiration. This kind of behavior worked for them once, so it became a pattern. And senior leaders, who didn’t know the real details, believed my boss was a model employee that “got stuff done.”

But as a term, “alpha” has been sullied. In the past, it was an unequivocally good thing: a high-performing, aggressive and dominant employee who succeeded at all costs. Now being an “alpha” is more complicated. As noted in the Forbes article, “Corporate Pack Leaders: How Alpha Males Impact Business Organizations,” “These high achievers get great personal results but have such a negative impact on their work environment that they actually decrease productivity.”

Here’s the thing: The popular perception of a business alpha is flat wrong. We think we need aggressive types to be pushing and shoving their way through the organization, but it’s a double misnomer; in nature, “real alphas” are not about unbridled aggression and the results that “pop culture alphas” deliver are sketchy at best. Let’s debunk this “alpha myth” and sort out how to train ourselves (and our teams) to be modern business alphas.

Redefining “Alpha”

Let’s start by redefining the term. “Alpha” was coined by famous primatologist Frans de Waal.  When observing the chimps who lead their respective troops, De Waal noted that the primates who tended to be the most successful were capable of building coalitions and were naturally empathetic. Turns out it’s not the biggest chimp that leads the troop; instead, it’s the chimp that is most able to lead by example, build emotional bridges, and support the psychological and physical safety of the troop.

It’s a pretty simple equation, really — for a chimp to become the alpha, they need to demonstrate that they care and can support their fellow troop members. Instead of bullies, they’re peacemakers; instead of ego, there’s humility. It’s not much of a stretch to see why this works and how this practice translates to us homo sapiens.

In the second case, stereotypical business alphas don’t drive the results pop culture would have us imagine — it’s a mixed bag. Further, it’s also reasonably likely that they’re toxic employees that drag down their organizations. For example, a Harvard Business Review article titled “Coaching the Alpha Male” tries to support the false idea of the hyper-aggressive alpha but can’t escape that those same high achievers need next-level coaching,

“The more pressure an alpha feels to perform, the more he tends to shift his leadership style from constructive and challenging to intimidating or even abusive. Organizations become dysfunctional when people avoid dealing with a difficult alpha and instead work around him or simply pay him lip service.”

The absurdity of the “traditional” alpha is on full display here. Who on earth follows an intimidating or “even abusive” leader? More often than not, those traditional alphas are hurting your organization by creating toxic cultures as opposed to maximizing the potential of your team.

Ultimately, your organization needs a focus on empathetic leadership. Empathy gets the most out of people: A recent survey from a global nonprofit found that greater than 60% of people with highly empathetic senior leaders reported always being innovative at work, actively engaged with their teams, and more able to manage the stress of their lives which in turn made them considerably happier.

With all this in mind, how do we train ourselves and our teams to be modern business alphas? Here are three important principles:

1.     Can you hear me now?

In modern business, personal and professional issues are increasingly woven together. Gone are the days when you could tell staff to simply “leave their personal lives at home”. Productivity depends on staff who are feeling supported in a wide variety of emotionally complex scenarios.

While you certainly want to respect an employee’s right to not talk about something, it’s important to be “there” for them. This requires building true rapport with staff that goes deeper than surface-level considerations. Sure, ask about their weekends, but actively listen and stay engaged. You’ll be surprised what you learn about your people and in turn your people will be surprised that you care.

Ultimately, the more you invest in your interactions with your team, the more they will invest in your leadership and their work. So, the next time you’re having a scheduled one-on-one and you’re checking your emails at the same time — stop. Give them your full attention, listen to what they have to say, and go deeper into their lives.

2.     Make yourself comfortable.

Putting this bluntly: It’s OK to feel uncomfortable. Managerial training often focuses on avoiding tough conversations. But here’s the thing: If you don’t take on serious issues with your staff, then you’ll only get a fraction of their respect. Sometimes you don’t even need to offer solutions — they just need to vent or “feel heard”. Being there for your team is a management must-have.

This really is the burden of leadership. You’re going to take on some of their problems and you’ll need big shoulders. They need support and you’re the first line of defense. Help them process their work and life struggles, collaborate with them on building solutions when they want your help, and find more support for them among your team members.

3.     It’s not something you “do”.

Being a modern alpha — an empathetic, coalition building and supportive person — is not something you “add on” to your professional persona or an occasional focus. That is to say, it’s not something you “do,” it’s something you must become. Take the alpha principles and apply them in your daily life with your family and friends.

Even if these concepts feel unnatural to you, understand that practice makes perfect. You’ll be amazed at how your relationships will improve and flourish thanks to a newfound interest in actively listening to your peers.

Being a modern alpha is no easy task, but it’s necessary for the long-term success of your team and organization. Take the steps to be the modern alpha your team needs.